Mother / Baby connection
There is a connection between a mother and a child. Although that bond is usually attributed to the biological connection of a mother carrying the child in her womb for nine months, this is not the only way to bond.
There are mothers who, despite having been pregnant with their baby, simply do not bond with their child. They are disengaged with their children for some reason or another. There are other women who see the child and immediately make that connection to nurture and love.
A mother-child bond without a pregnancy is possible
That is why it is important to understand that a mother’s bond can be forged without having carried a child, because mother–child bonding has much more to do with what happens after a child is born. The after-birth bonds are stronger than those created inside the womb, because they are the ones that will tie a child to a family, a community, and their future. No matter if the child was adopted, born through Surrogacy, or carried naturally, the bond created through care, love, support, and family time, is the one that make a family strong.
How to forge a bond with a child without having been pregnant with the child
When a woman decides to choose Surrogacy as her family creating option, she understands that she will not carry the child within her and therefore must find other things she can do to begin creating the bond made from loyalty, love, and family.
For example, if she lives close to her Surrogate, the mother may spend time with her Surrogate, so that the child while inside the Surrogate’s womb can hear her voice. If she lives far away, she can also send recordings for the Surrogate to play for the baby, so baby becomes familiar with his or her mother’s voice. Another idea is to have a playlist for the Surrogate to hear throughout the pregnancy. When the baby is brought home, he or she will recognize the music and the voice, strengthening the family bond.
Having been pregnant or not with a child does not determine the strength of a parent-child bond
When it comes to family bonds, we all know that some are tight, some are loose, and some are non-existent, no matter how strong the bloodline is. When a child joins a family through adoption, the bond can be strengthened by providing the child with the family name. Other bonds are created through very strong friendships. A common friend practice between children is a blood bond. This means that they stick their fingers with a needle or with a pin and then rub their fingers together so that their blood becomes one. This symbolizes a promise of loyalty, of love, and family. These bonds are strong, yet they do not involve having to carry a child inside a womb for nine months.
A Surrogates Purpose
A Surrogate does not create a family bond with the Intended Parents’ child because she understands that the child does not belong to her. Her role is taking care of the child while it develops inside her body. The Surrogate does this because this is what she would have loved someone to do for her, if she had been unable to have her own children. She knows that it is her responsibility, just as with her own children, to take care of her body and create the right environment for the child to grow. When the baby is born, the baby will go with its parents and her purpose is fulfilled. This does not mean that a relationship cannot sprout from the Surrogacy Journey. Some families are known to have kept close relationships with their Surrogates and their families, long after their children were born.
What is a parent-child bond?
A bond between people is created through constant care, love, and time spent together. To enhance this bond the Intended Mother can be at the hospital when her baby is born; she can carry her child in her arms soon after birth. The mother can agree with the Surrogate to provide the baby with a blanket with the Surrogate’s smell to make the transition easier for the child. When the baby’s parents and the Surrogate work together, the whole process becomes simpler and filled with joy.
“The Love and Bond between a mother and her child begins the very moment she knows they are on their way,” says Vicki Reece from the Joy of Mom. This bond begins with a thought or desire of wanting to be a mother. That thought is fed by life decisions that lead to family creation. The experience of being a mother is unparalleled to anything one may encounter. Motherhood is a precious part of life, and the bond created with your children is priceless. Creating the bond is up to you, and how you wish to nurture it. Remember, a mother’s bond can be forged without having carried a child, because mother–child bonding has much more to do with what happens after a child is born than with the time the baby develops in the womb.